By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
