Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
