you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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