i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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