Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
