Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
