so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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