Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she looked like the before picture.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
