thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
