Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
