You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
