I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
