return my video game
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
