there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
do herpes really smell.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
