I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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