wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
