She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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