I am puke
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
