Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
