I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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