my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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