Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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