Nicole vs. Life
Soap is not a condiment
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
