she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
