based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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