Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
