Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
