So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
