We're facebook friends in real life
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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