if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
