Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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