May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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