Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
