me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
