I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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