two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
