Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
