Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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