you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
