That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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