he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
