you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
