32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
