Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
