omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
