I puked a lego.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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