I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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