Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
