i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
