He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
